Good table manners:
Letting kids know what doesn’t cut it.
By Miriam Kamin

"Take your elbows off the table, please," I say to my son, for perhaps the fifth time during the meal.

Most of time he will draw back with no comment. Occasionally, he'll complain that he's too short to reach his milk glass (this is not altogether false, come to think of it). But one day he turns to me in exasperation.

"WHY can't I put my elbows on the table?"

"Because it's not polite," I answer.

"But why isn't it? Who decided?" he counters.

I stutter and stammer and launch into lengthy exposition about how manners separate us from the animals and rules help everyone interact more smoothly. As I watch both children's eyes glaze over, I am aware that I'm not really answering the question.

"I... have no idea who decided," I concede. "Just don't do it. Please."

"Okay, Mama," he says. He removes his elbows from the table, takes a swig of milk, and returns his glass to the table with a deafening belch. He and his sister dissolve in giggles.

"That's much better," I mutter between clenched teeth.

September is National Manners Month and if you're a fellow mom to small children, you may be wondering what this means for you. To me it means just another piece of ammunition in my arsenal; rather than declaring:

"You know, I'm pretty sure you weren't raised by wolves!"

or asking:

"Would it be possible for you to stop dragging your knuckles
on the ground long enough to close the door behind you?"

I can now spend the entire month adding:

"And it's National Manners Month, you know. Everything out of your mouth better start with 'please' and end with 'thank you.’”

Manners are more than saying the sanctioned phrases at the proper times, of course. They're the foundation for polite and thoughtful interaction, or at least we hope that they will be. And the very best way for us to instill these habits in our children is to demonstrate genteel ways, ourselves.

"Excuse me, Madam," I say in my best high-tea tone of voice, "but would it be too much trouble for you to remove your fingers from the cottage cheese and attend to the delicious meal which I have set before you? Thank you ever so much."

Compliance was immediate. Let's pretend it was due to what I said rather than the glare that went along with it.

Yes, manners are an important part of our lives. Sometimes we parents wonder if we're getting through to our kids, but as someone who just overheard "Could you PLEASE stop poking me? THANK YOU!" I feel confident that the message is getting through — at least a little.

At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. You're welcome.

Miriam Kamin writes about life, her children and everything at wouldashoulda.com, having more with less at wantnot.net and the trials and travails of being a freelance writer at workitmom.com. She lives in the Atlanta area with her husband and two children.